Macabre Month of Halloween Horror 2013 movie review #9 ‘House of Wax’ (2005)

house of waxHouse of Wax” (2005) is a remake of a Vincent Price film from 1953 with the same name. What most people don know is that the Vincent Price one is also a remake of a film called Mystery of the Wax Museum from 1933. The Vincent Price remake is a really great film, the 2005 one however is a different story.

house of wax original

The Vincent Price version of “House of Wax“, is an absolute horror classic.¬†

Vincent Price is my favorite of the old horror icons. He just exudes class and sophistication while still being capable of playing a deranged killer. The Vincent price film has the class of 50’s film that just can’t be matched by modern filmmakers. Which is exactly why a modern remake is a terrible idea.

The 2005 version throws subtlety out the window into a pile of screaming cats and relies on being as ludicrously graphic as possible. This is a trashy gore flick. If all you want from a film is to be force fed excruciating detail of all the violence and blood and gore in the film then you will be satisfied. But if you are an intellectual in any sense of the word, then you will know how awful the movie is.

The 2005 version is completely different when it comes to the story. The tagline for the 2005 version is “Prey. Slay. Display.” Now, that tagline could make sense for the Vincent Price one, where he kills people covers them in wax and puts them on display in his wax museum. But that doesn’t happen in the 2005 version. They just kill dudes and happen to live in a house made out of wax.

One of the major downfalls: The cast. Vincent Price is one of the greatest actors who ever lived, so the remake has some pretty big shoes to fill.

So, who do they cast? Paris Hilton. Who thought that was a good idea? Paris Hilton?!? Her presence alone is enough to condemn this movie. If that’s not enough the rest of the cast for the movie was actually based around Paris Hilton. When Paris Hilton is the focal point of the movie, the strength of the cast, then you know you have a sh*t movie.

The one redeeming thing I can find about this movie: Paris Hilton dies. That’s the one reason to watch this movie, to watch Paris Hilton get stabbed through the f*cking head and die. hilton deadThat’s pretty damn awesome, her death was originally longer and gorier but they cut it short. Why?! The one good part of the film and you censor it?! That is the only reason why you should watch this movie, better yet just watch the clip.

The original “house” of wax was a wax museum. In the 2005 version there’s a big house that is literally made of wax. There’s also an entire fake town, because I guess the filmmakers thought it would be cool. It’s really stupid and is not effective at all.

There’s no mystery of suspense to be had in the 2005 version. Most modern films don’t know how to imply things, and leave things open to the imagination. They find it most effective to just show everything.

The 2 bad guys are separated conjoined twins. They are not threatening at all. tommy wiseauOne is a redneck hillbilly dude and the other looks like Tommy Wiseau. There actually is one sort of creepy moment with that character but overall the movie is not scary in the slightest. It feels like they weren’t even trying to be scary. Instead it aims to gross you out.

The 2005 House of Wax is a terrible movie, it’s the worst kind of schlocky trash. The Vincent Price version however is top notch. CLICK HERE to check out the Vincent Price version, of “House of Wax”, Keep checking back all October long for this year’s MACABRE MONTH OF HORROR.

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